If You Give Hermione A Book
by Frogster
Summary: ...she's going to want to read it. Just a short humorous piece I dreamed up the other night. Based on the children's book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. Features our favorite bookworm, the love(s) of her life, and her beloved familiar (who narrates). DHr.


**This is just a little silly something that came to me at 11:30 pm on Saturday night. I just rolled with it and typed it all out on Google Docs. Except for a couple of small punctuation/spacing changes, everything is just as it was when I finished it at 12:30 am Sunday morning.**

 **This is inspired by the children's book** ** _If You Give A Mouse A Cookie_** **.**

 **Thanks to the lovely ElleMalfoy65 for looking it over. This one's for her and for Iloveplotbunnies, who is the queen of humor.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Harry Potter or** ** _If You Give A Mouse A Cookie_** **.**

If you give Hermione a book,

She's going to want to read it.

And because she's finished all the books in her library

She's going to want to go to Hogwarts

To see if the library has stocked anything new.

When you get there

You're met by Draco Malfoy

The new potions master.

Draco immediately teases her

About her insatiable quest for knowledge.

Hermione teases him right back

About his insatiable quest for hair products

And redemption of his family's name.

They continue to bicker

As they've always done

(And probably always will do)

Until you start to think that the books

Have been forgotten.

But of course with Hermione

Books are always a priority.

And Draco, knowing this, tells her

That he can take her to a _real_ library.

Of course, she bristles

Because the Hogwarts library to her

Is better than the one at Oxford,

At least in terms of memories

And its large role in her life.

And then he tells her that _his_ library

Is even better than this one

Because it has a more extensive collection

On the origins of magic

And magical history.

Not to mention many rare texts

And first editions.

And she knows

(And you know)

That he's talking about Malfoy Manor.

She's reluctant to go, of course,

Which is understandable,

Given her past experiences there.

(You know this, because she wakes up

Screaming from nightmares

And has to reassure herself

That she's at home

And not at the Manor,

A name that makes her weep.

Draco's name, however,

Never does.

It just infuriates her

As she tells you what ridiculous thing he's said now

To rile her up.)

But somehow, he convinces her to go

(You think he hooks her in with a promise

Of a first edition

Of _Hogwarts, A History._ )

So off you go

To Malfoy Manor.

You get to come, too,

Although you wonder if it's just because

The blond wizard

Is trying to ingratiate himself

With Hermione.

You arrive at the Manor

And you can tell from Hermione's face

That it looks drastically different from the last time she was here.

Remodeling the Manor

Was an absolute necessity, Draco says,

Because they needed to cleanse the walls and rooms

Of all of that evil.

Hermione looks mollified and pleased by this

And so Draco leads her

(And you)

Through the halls of his home

Until you reach a set of double doors.

He throws them open

With a patented Malfoy flourish

To reveal what is admittedly the most glorious library

That you or Hermione have ever seen.

You're reminded of that movie Hermione likes

Where the furry beast gives the girl

A humongous library for her own

Because of his newfound feelings for her.

Because of course the best way to a bookworm's heart

Is to give her more books than she's ever seen before in her life.

And that seems to be what's happening here

Because as you're strolling behind them

As Hermione oohs and awes

And Draco points out special texts

That are sure to capture her interest

You turn the corner and find them

Locked in an embrace,

A first edition of _Hogwarts, A History_

In Hermione's hand-

The one that's not ensnared in Draco's hair, that is.

His hands are entangled in her curls

As they kiss as if their lives depended on it.

And you think that maybe they do,

Because you can just see them

Spending a long and happy life together

Reading and bickering and loving each other

Until death do them part.

And to think that Hermione discovered

The love of her life

And mountains of books-

Both to keep her happy-

All because

If you give Hermione a book

...she's going to want to read it.

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading this! Please leave a review if you're so inclined :)**


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